One Year Ago

On April 29, 2011, I found a lump in my right breast.  Our lives have been changed since that day.

I went that day, Friday, to see my doctor.  I was scheduled for a mammogram the following week.  We seemed to be on a roller coaster we couldn't get to stop.  Less than a week later, the following Thursday, I had my official breast cancer diagnosis.

Today it's been almost six months since my last chemotherapy treatment.  I still get Herceptin by IV every three weeks and will through August.  I'll be on Tamoxifen for a few years and then they'll switch me over to another drug.  I've been thrown into permanent menopause, and I mean thrown.  I have rather violent hot flashes!  But I'm alive, and we praise God for that.

Girls, don't minimize the importance of breast self-exams.  Early detection can make a difference.

Pincushions and Pink Chocolate Chip Shortbread Cookies

Today was my last chemotherapy treatment! Can I hear a big Woot, Woot, please?!

And although I still have a few shots to be given at home, our little container was overflowing. I filled up a quart-sized Ziploc, barely got it zipped up, and took it with me today. (I always have my blood drawn to make sure my numbers are high enough for the treatment. It's downstairs in the lab and I just pop upstairs where my doctor's office and chemotherapy administration takes place.) I asked my lab nurse if I could put these in their very large biomedical container. Of course she let me.

That seemingly little bag contains an awful lot of shots. No wonder I call myself a pincushion sometimes.

I also made some Pink Chocolate Chip Shortbread Cookies to put out on the snack counter for everyone to share. I thought it was appropriate in light of pink being the color for breast cancer awareness. I got this idea off of Pinterest too. Addicted I tell you.

photo from quick dish, since I forgot to take pictures of mine.

Side Effects

I mentioned a couple of months ago that I was missing the hair in my nose, and then soon after that I started my twelve rounds of Taxol which also made me start having nose bleeds. Not the kind of nose bleeds you normally think of, but a constant drippy nose bleed. It's been quite the pain. It doesn't help that between my first and second rounds of Taxol I also started Coumadin because of my blood clot.

A couple of months ago the nails on my right hand (which are on the left side in the picture below) started looking a little dark under the nail bed. It was kind of a red/yellow color like a slight bruise. It started on the thumb primarily and then after a few weeks moved to the index and middle fingers. If I use my nails, they feel bruised now.

This week I also noticed that it had spread to the same nails on my left hand, which are on the right side in the picture below.

I didn't realize until I looked at the picture that it has also spread to my right pinky.

Anyway, I mentioned it to my oncologist at this week's appointment, and she said it was from the Taxol, but she also reduced my dose by 25 percent for the last two treatments (yesterday and next Wednesday). She said it was to prevent more serious side effects.

Which I later found out was my nails falling off.

I'm trying to be very careful not to use my nails for anything, not that it doesn't hurt anyway. I don't know that it would make a difference, but just in case...

Hi!

It's time for an update and then back to some regular blogging. What's sad is when the people in my own home are asking me when I'm going to do another blog post. It just seemed like all the blog posts were about my breast cancer, and on top of that I was feeling pretty crummy. So I'll give you kind of a run down in this post and then maybe we just won't have to talk about it for a while, okay? I know that it encompasses my life right now, but funny things do still go on around our house.

I had my four adriamycin/cytoxin treatments, each two weeks apart starting in June. I was violently ill after the first one and the oncologist changed my premedication after that (in case anyone is interested, it was changed from zofran/compazine to emend/aloxi/ativan). I received neulasta shots at home after each treatment for my bone marrow to produce more bone marrow, thus increasing my white counts. That caused some significant bone pain for anywhere from three to five days. I had lots of food aversions while I was on the a/c treatments.

Two weeks after the last a/c I received the first of 12 weekly taxol chemotherapy treatments. I also receive herceptin since I was HER2+. That weekend was when I had the blood clot and went to the emergency room. So between the first and second taxol treatments I had surgery to remove my port, which is how I received all my chemotherapy and IV work, but not blood draws. Now I'm receiving everything through IV only in my left arm since I had lymph nodes removed on the right side when they did the lumpectomy. Because of the threat of lymphedema I can no longer have blood pressure or blood work done on the right side. My veins are getting a little ratty and we are hoping they hold out or I will have to get a picc line in my arm. I really don't want to do that.

When I went for my second taxol treatment the day after my port removal surgery, my white counts were very low, but they were still high enough I could get chemo. I did have to get shots that week to get my counts up. Since there is only a week between treatments I have switched to neupogen, which is a series of three shots instead of only one shot. The oncologist told me that usually people don't need shots until around the eighth week or so. Of course I had to be different. I got the shots every other week a couple of times, but my counts would be so low on the off week that I could barely get my chemo, so now I get the shots every week. Hubby gives them to me at home.

I got a cold a couple of weeks ago and had to postpone week eight. I never had a fever, which was very good. I am having treatment number nine tomorrow and then only have three more to go after that.

I'm having regular hot flashes from the chemo-induced (temporary) menopause. I don't have food aversions anymore but in the last few weeks almost everything tastes like metal. I can count on one hand the things that don't. I still have a small smattering of eyelashes and eyebrows. I'm losing some of the hair on the sides of my head that I still had. I'm trying to decide if what little bit was left on the top is thinning too. Not like it really matters at this point.

I had a problem with a tooth in the middle of all of this. It ended up only being something that was the result of chemo and resolved on it's own, thank goodness! One of the side effects of taxol is bone pain, but I guess since I receive weekly doses the effect isn't as strong because I'm not having any from it. I do have about two solid days of significant pain from the neupogen shots and I'm very fatigued during that time, almost to the point of being narcoleptic. By the time I get the third shot of the week it's starting to dissipate a little. There has also been a nationwide shortage of taxol in the middle of my treatment, but since I'm part of a clinical trial I still get it.

Chemo takes about four hours each time now. I get aloxi (nausea), ativan (nausea), decadron (steroid, anti-inflammatory), benadryl (for possible allergic reaction), pepcid (for stomach irritation), taxol (chemo), and herceptin. I usually eat breakfast before I go and eat very light in the evening. I snack on pretzels while I'm there, and sometimes donut holes. Yep, donut holes. Whatever works.

That's kind of the nuts and bolts of what's been going on. If for any reason you have questions about anything, please feel free to ask me either in the comments or by email.

We've had a birthday at our house, are having another birthday this week at our house, I finally took down the Easter wreath, and I cleaned out the junk drawer, so I should be able to find something to blog about next. And without waiting almost two months this time!

Adventure

Adventure I'd rather not have.

Lately I've been facing trouble with my port. If you're not familiar with them, it's kind of like a central line. I have a button under the skin in my chest and tubing that runs up and over my collar bone into my heart. I think that's the basics of it. They use it for my chemotherapy so they don't have to do so many needle sticks for IVs in my arm, plus the first four treatments of adriamycin are the more toxic chemo so they don't like putting it straight into the veins.

My last adriamycin three and a half weeks ago had to be put in through an IV. The nurse was having trouble getting a blood return from my port unless I turned my head. The IV wasn't dripping unless I turned my head. Basically she didn't want to put in a toxic chemo without being able to see it and know if it was going through or not. Adrimycin is given from a large syringe and pumped in separately instead of dripped in with the other IV bags.

Last night I looked at my neck in the mirror because it just hadn't felt quite right all day. It wasn't painful, just different. Well, the side of my neck that has the port was swollen enough to be visible. I ended up coming to the ER last night about 10:30, spending the night in the ER having a CT scan done and finding out I have a blood clot in my jugular vein in my neck. It's caused from my port (probably).

I've spent today in the hospital. I'm on shots to thin my blood since they can't give me coumadin until after I have surgery tomorrow to remove the port. They aren't putting another port in. They will just give the last 11 chemotherapy treatments through an IV. It's the less toxic of them so they are okay with it. I will be on blood thinner for three months until chemo is done.

Nothing has been ordinary!

On My Knees But Not In My Nose

So most of my hair started falling out the day before my second chemotherapy treatment. Finally I had hubby shave it down to mere millimeters just to make the showering process less messy. I still actually have some stubble left all over my head — it's just not much. I'm wondering if I'll keep it or if the Taxol I start after this last round of Adriamycin/Cytoxin will make it fall out.

Along those same lines, I've been kind of holding out on shaving my legs and arms. I'm thinking I'll just lose that hair and not worry about it. I've definitely thinned out. I did give in and shave my underarms this last week, but I've never been a hairy leg girl, so I just let that go.

Tonight on the way to church (the first time I've been in two weeks) I had on a denim skirt. When I would sit down my knees would show, so on the way there hubby looked over and saw hairy knees. I hadn't really noticed until then. The good thing is that we usually sit towards the back and it's dark enough that no one would notice when we were in the pew.

I just find some irony that I have hair on my knees and none in my nose that also happens to be longer than what's on my head.

Nose Hairs and Other Random Things

I take prescription antihistamines. Since I've started chemo, I've not been diligent about taking them in the morning and night both. When I was throwing up so violently after my first chemo, followed by four days of eating practically nothing, pills were not part of my thought pattern. Unless they were for nausea, of course.

For the last week or so my nose has been rather drippy, so I've been diligently taking my antihistamines morning and night. And I'm still pretty drippy. Which got me to thinking this morning.

Someone hubby works with mentioned that someone they knew lost their nose hairs along with all the other hairs that are unfortunately lost (although I won't mind not shaving my arms and legs, so that doesn't fall into the unfortunate category). And after their nose hairs fell out their nose ran all the time.

I checked in my mirror this morning. I don't know what I started with as far as nose hairs go. I can still see some, but I'm thinking that the nose hairs have significantly lessened enough in population that I am now in the 'nose run all the time' category, regardless of taking my antihistamine pills.

On another note, had you noticed that on my right sidebar I've put my upcoming treatment schedule? Betsy had that idea so people who wanted to specifically pray could find the dates without digging through old posts. You know, the ones about nose hairs and tongues and birds on pants.

I take a shot that helps my body produce more bone marrow the day following my chemotherapy. One potential side effect is bone pain. I didn't have any the first time, although I was already sicker than a dog. But after the second treatment two weeks ago and the shot, I did have some bone pain. It started in my ribs and then a couple of days later it hurt to take deep breaths. I had significant fatigue starting four days after chemo on Sunday which coincided with the bone pain. I had almost a full week of fatigue. We'll see what happens after the shot tomorrow (which we do at home and hubby gives me in the stomach!)

Switching gears, we lost a dear older friend at church a couple of weeks ago. This couple is part of the small group we host in our home. Bill was one of the most amazing Christian men I've ever met. Our kids love both he and his wife. After he passed away, Sparky said to her dad, "I think I'm going to quit being friends with old men. They keep dying on me." We had very special friends in Illinois, and Franklin died not too long after we moved to Virginia. We were family friends, but Sparky had a special relationship with him. He taught her how to use her natural artistic abilities to paint.

Chatty is away at horse camp as an assistant counselor for the next two weeks. It's harder for her to be away without one of us than for Sparky to just take off to other countries and continents. Our kids are all so different!

Sparky decided I needed to do an update on my 'Meet the Kids' posts since things have changed. I think I may take her up on it.

Oh, and in again totally unrelated but kind of big news, depending on which camp you're from, I'm on Facebook now. I was a serious hold-out, but I started to see some benefits and decided to take the plunge. Now I'm addicted to this Gardens of Time game. That wasn't the benefit I saw and probably won't ever be the benefit! If I know you from here and you want to friend me, just send me a request.

Quick Update

My first treatment didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I've been rather sick and had to go back in the day after my treatment for a bag of fluids and some extra meds to fight off the throwing up. They plan to do my pre-medication a little different next time.

I've had five or six crackers, a tub and a half of those little Jello's, two bites of banana, and a little bit of leftover frozen smoothie. The smoothie is the only thing that goes down without me gagging. That's what I've had since Wednesday. Pretty pathetic pickings.

Ginger Ale is my new friend, too.

It's time for my kids to do something funny to tell you about!

To Remember...Because You Never Know

Since my hair will fall out with my chemotherapy, we are having it cut off except for an inch or so next Tuesday prior to my first chemo treatment on Wednesday.

And even though you don't hear about people having curly hair grow back straight, just straight growing back curly, I've been told it could grow back in a different color or texture. There are just a lot of things we don't really know. Only God knows.

And since we haven't had a family picture taken for a few years, and so we have a picture before it's gone, we had a friend take some family (and couple) shots outside last night with our new camera we got a couple of months ago. I thought I'd share a few with you.



Something was funny. I don't know what, but at least I was laughing and not crying. I've done my fair share of that over the last month!

Hubby did this once spontaneously while we were taking the pictures, so Rebekah had him do it again for a picture.

There is always the requisite goofy shot. How ironic that without any planning all three girls would have their tongues stuck out!

This was one of my favorites.

Well, that one and maybe this one.

The kids will be thrilled I didn't show you the one where Rebekah had us kiss. ;)

Brutal Honesty

I've put off writing this post. Partly because I needed to get a handle on my emotions, and partly because I simply didn't want to do it. It's ugly.

Two weeks ago on May 18th I had surgery to remove the breast cancer and some lymph nodes. It was a long procedure by the time it was all done, but it was outpatient and I came home that day.

The surgeon successfully removed the cancer with clear margins, although we found out later the margins were very small. He also removed four sentinel nodes (lymph nodes they light up because of nuclear injection ahead of time to determine the drainage pattern and those most likely affected) and five other nodes. They all tested negative. We found out late on Friday the 20th and thought chemotherapy would not be necessary.

We met with the surgeon for a follow-up on Monday the 23rd. When I asked him specifically just to clarify my assumption on chemotherapy, he said there was a slight possibility and that he and the oncologist would be reviewing the slides from the surgery, etc. I had an appointment with her on Wednesday the 25th. Even though I still had a niggling worry, Hubby kept saying it was slight.

That appointment with the oncologist was something that I can't even put into words as far as my emotions go. We basically found out that the tumor was twice as large as they originally thought, so it was 2.2 cm. There was also an additional test that my original biopsy sample had been sent off to have performed. It's for HER2, and the first pathology test was inconclusive, showing it neither positive or negative and indicating the need for the FISH test. The FISH test results were back and showed that my breast cancer was also HER2 positive. This indicates an aggressive cancer.

So I was officially labeled Stage IIA (T2N0M0) with a 2.2 cm tumor, no node involvement, no metastasis, ER+, PR+, and HER2+. We still caught it early, but I'm getting ready to go through the ringer.

We go back to the oncologist today since I was a little too upset to agree to anything last week. Soon I will be getting a port put in surgically. Her plan is to leave it in for a year and a half. That will allow me to get six months of chemotherapy, four treatments three weeks apart followed by 12 weekly treatments. Then I will receive herceptin for the HER2 which is given once a month for a year. It has it's own nasty set of side effects. Somewhere in there I will start radiation. Tamoxifen for five years is still part of the plan for the ER+/PR+ aspect of the cancer.

So these are the medical facts. I can't even begin to put my emotions into words here right now.

The Yuckiest, Stinkiest, Worst, Most Terrible Post I've Had To Write (Yet)

Last week our world as we know it was rocked.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

What I know right now:

It appears to have been caught early. April 29th I felt the lump and called my doctor who verified it and sent me for a mammogram and ultrasound. These were done on May 2nd and indicated the need for a biopsy (and was also done that day). The biopsy tested positive for in situ and invasive ductal breast cancer.

It appears to have been caught early because of the size of the tumor (11mm x 8mm x 6mm).

I am meeting with a surgeon on Monday morning, possibly as you read this, to find out the extent of surgery necessary. There will be lymph nodes removed to see if it has spread that far. Everyone has talked like I will have surgery this week.

I will be having a CAT scan on Tuesday.

I will be taking Tamoxifen for 5 years because the cancer tested estrogen and progesterone positive.

I am 45 years old.

Other things you might want to know and don't:

My mom had breast cancer at 54 and is a survivor. She is currently 66 years old.

She was also on Tamoxifen for 5 years.

My mom did not find her lump herself but it was found by mammogram. Hers was 2.5 cm at it's largest diameter.

I never imagined last year at Christmas when I got this necklace, one charm to honor my husband for his selfless act and one charm to honor my mother, that that charm would soon come to recognize me as well.